fabric of the cosmos.

So I had a really important question asked of me tonight.
Are humans just sacks of science, chemicals, atoms and molecules?
Or is there… something else?
I’m not a religious person, at all, in fact I despise the idea of a higher being, so of course I don’t believe that GAWD MAED US SO WE CAN LUV.
But.. It doesn’t seem right, that we would only be a collection of chemical reactions and atoms. I mean, that would make us entities with ultimately, no free will.
But we have free will.
I mean, everything is made of atoms, molecules, electrons, all zipping around at amazingly high speeds around the nucleus and such. And eventually, this all makes the universe work.
So, are we just atoms?
With no free will?
Are our emotions only created from chemicals? Do chemicals cause us to feel love, hate, compassion, devotion, and complete and utter pain?
I mean, could chemicals really give me the feeling I get when I wake up next to… someone?
Or how much I love my father?
Or the complete and utter devotion I feel to my best friends?
Or how much it hurts when I think about people suffering when I cant help them?
Do we have a reason? A purpose? Or are we a series of accidents?
Our time is infinite. The universe is some 14 billion years old… we have no reason.
We live maybe 80 years, a tiny, tiny sum compared to the age of the universe.
This world has seen amazing stories of love, and terrifying wrongs.
We are NOTHING. And NOTHING we can do can or will ever change that.
We can't comprehend such a vast part of our existence and the never-ending loop in our existence.
The fact is, you die.
That’s it.
Forever.
So whats the point?
In anything?
I mean, think about all those times you’ve been so fucking upset that you thought you’d never stop crying, and you’d never leave your room again.
Think about how amazingly deep your emotions are, and then, think about it.
Whats the point in doing anything in your life that you just don’t want to do?
I mean, obviously you don’t hurt other people in doing so, that’s just simple moral conscience.
But why change yourself to please other people?
In the end, your own personal identity is all you have.
Just do what you want, take whatever substances you want, fuck whoever you want to fuck, make moments worthy of a cinema screen because in a few years you will be dead.
You may not like me for saying any of this.
I’m just a 16 year old girl, what can I know about the world?
Well fuck, probably nothing, I wont pretend to be anything than what I am;
Sick to death of being sick to death.
The point is, I cant see how we can just be nothing, emptiness, there has to be something else there that makes us feel the way we do.
Maybe there’s something in our being to make it impossible to figure this all out. No one has figured out the reason we’re actually here. So maybe there’s a lot we still have to learn.
I just think its bullshit that chemicals, simply chemicals, could create the effect of the feeling of contentment you get when you fall asleep in someone’s arms, the pain you get when someone leaves, the anger of some of the injustices that happen in this world, frustration, loneliness and need for someone there.
I don’t know what I’m getting at with this.